job.

who would've thought working isn't just a walk in the park? me, that's who. I was too narcissistic thinking working ain't that bad, I mean beats studying, you actually get money. damn was I fucking wrong. with the rate they're paying, can't even cater my needs. and from that, I wonder, with my minimum wage, can't even pay for what I need, what about my co-workers? who actually have bills to pay, plus saving money for future purposes? it made me realise that I haven't been appreciating what I have now. the shelter that my parent has been building, the food they've been putting on the table and not to mention my own car. other kids don't have that kinda environment nor privilege . they gotta work to get what they want but I didn't see that. I was too caught up on wanting more and more and MORE when others keep getting less and less. 

I had a chat with my manager. telling him bits and pieces of my life at home to which concludes in him asking me "so why are you working? you have a steady family" twas a very, very good question. "I'm working cause I want to feel how it's like to find my own money. to not be dependant on my parents too much" and he just takes it lightly cause he thinks my life is perfect compared to his. that cuts deep even more. listening to what going on in his life makes me feel bad, feel guilty because I keep saying I don't have enough. if you think about it, what is enough? 

in another story, I'm fighting the urge to quit so bad. work is very nerve wrecking and stressful. so I've been working as a cashier at Burger King for 2 weeks now and I've seen so many customers, each with different antics, walk in those doors. in and out for 9 hours straight. each person with different personalities. those whose impatient, those whose shy, those whose even refuse to pay for a meal. I deal with these customers with a smile on my face every time. saying sorry for all my mistakes but my manager shrugs and keeps quiet about it, not wanting to hurt the only girl worker there. I think it's very sweet of him. okay back to the story, I come to learn the behaviour of people who treat minors who works at these kinda places. I can tell most of them looks me with half a cheek but get awed as I can speak english quite fluently. those who overdo their accents not knowing that I understand. very seldom I get polite gestures back but when I do it fills my heart with slight glee u know.

but lately I've been messing up orders frequently, what do you expect from a girl whose been working for 2 weeks and is her FIRST TIME working and manning the cash register and completing the order on her own??? but I get so guilty that I keep disappointing my manager. he does quite a lot for us. I mean other managers just stay in they're cubicle doing paperwork but he fills in crew work too when it gets busy. not just that, other crew gets busted for their mistakes but he keeps quiet when it comes to me. maybe because I'm the only girl hehe. when he does scold me I just smile and shrug and say sorry but there was that one day that I gave up so bad because I messed up an order and the customer was scolding me for it BUT I MEAN HE ATE THE MISTAKEN BURGER AND TOLD US THAT I MADE A MISTAKE WHEN WE'RE ABOUT TO CLOSE! okay so me being the dumb bitch that I am, threw out the receipt. and you can imagine my face when he said that I took his receipt so it's practically all my fault. then it became hectic and my manager came in and printed back the order and what he said after that legit broke my heart. he sighed and said "batrisyia, batrisyia what have you done" thats it. my heart sank because I've let him down. so after that I just kept quiet and did my cleaning shift without bothering him. even boss was scared that I became quiet cause I could see it from the corner of my eye he kept eyeing me. I wanted to make it up to him and buy him food but another manager came relieved his shift so. I don't know, that day made me think hard. what can you do besides messing up, batrisyia?

goodnight.